Carta de una madre en la misa del primer aniversario


 

21 de agosto de 2009

 

No os lo vais a creer, pero llevo unos días muy estresada. Quería preparar esta misa homenaje a Guillermo, y todo me parecía poco. Todo lo que escribía para leer aquí ahora me parecía un sin sentido. Es como si hubiera querido prepararle su boda, o su mejor cumpleaños, y que todo fuera perfecto. Para mí era eso, y no quería fallar en ningún detalle. Por eso empecé a escribir una carta muy larga, que luego he ido simplificando, porque es muy difícil expresar en un papel todo lo que quiero  contaros.

 

Hoy es un día muy especial para nosotros. Esto no es un funeral, por lo menos nosotros no queremos que lo sea, queremos que sea un pequeño homenaje a Guillermo, por eso no hemos puesto esquela, ni hemos avisado a nadie. Quien ha querido y podido venir está aquí, y es verdad que muchos estarán en nuestro pensamiento, como mis otros hijos, que están fuera de España. 

 

La muerte de un hijo es algo extemporáneo, antinatura, por lo que resulta muy difícil resignarse ante esta cruel y devastadora crisis del destino. Un hijo no puede morir. Frente a este hecho desolador es difícil imaginar que algún día podamos superarlo.

 

No me atrevía siquiera a imaginar que podría volver a sonreír. Superar el dolor era como traicionar la memoria de mi hijo muerto. Volver a reír era volver a ser feliz, volver a la vida, olvidarlo. Pero no era así.

 

Muchos de vosotros, que me conocéis, sabéis que llevo muchos meses con la intranquilidad de saber dónde está mi hijo. No puede ser que después de muchos años de cariño, de preocupaciones, de alegrías, ahora no sepamos dónde está, ni cómo está. Para mí ha sido mi mayor reto, porque ¿cómo sería posible que después de tantos años cuidando y preocupándose de un hijo ahora ya no sepamos dónde está y cómo se encuentra?

 

Bueno, pues después de larga búsqueda, con libros, amigos que están sufriendo pérdidas como la mía, y que no sabéis cuánto ayuda estar con gente que siente lo mismo, me he dado cuenta de que Guillermo está bien. De verdad. Siento que sigue vivo entre nosotros, en nuestros corazones. Eso que nos han contado siempre en la iglesia, que la vida continúa después de la muerte, ahora sabemos que es realmente cierto. Leí todo cuanto llegó a mis manos sobre el dolor, la vida después de la vida, la muerte.  “La única manera de tratar con el sufrimiento es hacerle frente, mirarlo fríamente a la cara, observarlo, entenderlo”.

 

Pues tanto Javier como yo le sentimos cerca, a nuestro lado, y vosotros, sus amigos del alma, lo que más quería en el mundo, también lo habéis sentido. Lo sabéis. En vuestros sueños, os da grandes abrazos y os dice que no lloréis, que está bien y feliz. Por no decir la cantidad de veces que habéis sentido que en un momento de riesgo, tristeza o enfermedad os ha ayudado a salir adelante.

 

Si no fuera así, si no nos estuviera dando fuerzas él mismo, ¿cómo pensáis que unos padres serían capaces de levantarse por las mañanas? ¿De comer, de salir con amigos, de ir a la playa?  Sería imposible si no conociéramos este maravilloso secreto.

 

Pero hoy no queremos que sea un día triste, sino alegre. Guillermo ha cumplido su primer año en el cielo. Y yo siento que este primer aniversario también lo celebran allí arriba, donde está él.

 

Guillermo disfrutó su corta vida al máximo. Siempre decíamos su padre y yo que estaba viviendo demasiado rápido. Es como si él hubiera sabido que se tendría que ir pronto. Todavía recuerdo la última vez que le vi, el día 16 de agosto, me abrazó como nunca lo había hecho y mirándome a los ojos me dijo: “Mamá, lo siento, pero me tengo que ir”. Nada más irse, el día 21, que aún estando lejos, presentí su partida, supe que aquel día la despedida había sido para siempre.

 

Es curioso que este gran descubrimiento de “la vida después de la vida” sólo se conozca, se llegue a él, cuando se pierde lo que más quieres. Mis compañeros de duelo, mi nueva gran familia, mi marido y yo nos sentimos privilegiados por conocer este gran regalo de Dios y saber que algún día volveremos a encontrarle.

 

Y nuestro hijo Guillermo sigue vivo entre nosotros, y así queremos que sea siempre. No nos duele hablar de él. Habladnos de Guillermo siempre que queráis. Ahora no está aquí físicamente, pero ha existido, y su espíritu sigue con nosotros, hemos compartido muchas cosas juntos y nos duele más vuestro silencio que su recuerdo.

 

La única forma de sobrevivir es gracias a la fe, esa luz maravillosa que siempre nos dice que la vida no termina en esta tierra. Dios llama a cada ser humano en el momento que más le conviene, y a Guillermo le tocó llegar a la meta siendo joven. Él lo llamó ese día y a esa edad porque Dios sabía que ése era su mejor momento.

 

Muchas veces me pregunté: ¿por qué Dios puede permitir un dolor tan grande para una familia? En mi pequeñez humana yo me rebelaba, hasta que comprendí que esa oración que había rezado tanto y repetido desde pequeña, “hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo”, tenía un sentido que iba más allá de la aceptación y la resignación. Había que amar la voluntad de Dios aunque el corazón estuviera roto por el dolor. Esta prueba no era un castigo de Dios, sino precisamente lo contrario, una manifestación de amor. Le había elegido a él. Esto he podido entenderlo con la perspectiva del tiempo y la fe.

 

Guillermo fue en nuestra vida un regalo que Dios nos mandó y que pudimos disfrutar intensamente durante 18 años, y que en la otra vida nos vamos a reencontrar, y podré contarle que supe salir adelante. Él me envía las fuerzas necesarias para continuar y yo no puedo defraudarle.

 

Perdonad si en algún momento de nuestro duelo no hemos hecho caso de vuestras recomendaciones. Han sido con todo vuestro cariño, pero en muchas ocasiones no han sido acertadas. Es muy difícil explicar lo que se siente en una situación como la nuestra, y los consejos son difíciles. Lo más importante de nuestra vida se ha ido, y nada nos lo va a quitar de la cabeza ni un segundo, ni con entretenimientos, ni recogiendo sus cosas y dejando la habitación vacía, ni trabajando, ni nada. Hay que pasar el duelo como cada uno necesite.

 

Ahora, es verdad que el tiempo suaviza el dolor, la situación empieza a cambiar cuando te habitúas a su ausencia física, cuando podemos pensar en nuestro hijo recordando todo lo que aportó en nuestra vida de positivo, y porque, en cualquier caso, nuestros hijos son un regalo de la vida.

 

Estamos seguros de que desde las estrellas nos está mirando y cuida ahora de nosotros, esperando con regocijo aquel momento en que Dios nos vuelva a reunir para seguir juntos el camino de la Eternidad.

 

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Otros artículos
Carta de un padre a su hija
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Gracias Dulce. Ojala pueda servir de algo. Un beso

Estoy sorprendida por su carta ya que mi hijo de 29 años tiene 4 meses que se fue y mi locura la estoy viviendo tal como dice es impresionante que una persona que no conozco exprese lo que siento y mas aun que somos de distinta idiosincracia solo quiero decirle que yo se que estoy viva por que respiro ufff que pena

El dia cuatro de Noviembre ha cumplido JANA un mes en el Cielo pero, partió con veinte años recién cumplidos y sin saber como ni por qué nunca se esperan las partidas y menos de los hijos pero cuando incluso los médicos te dicen que lo que le ha pasado a nuestra hija es incomprensible y el más raro de los tres casos que existe en el mundo te preguntas ¿hija hasta para esto eres tan especial? y parece que te alivia pero no es así el desgarro cada vez es mayor y gracias a vuestros escritos mi marido y yó tenemos la esperanza de que el dolor sea más llevadero pués nos ahogamos.Pronto nos pondremos es contacto con vosotros.Os necesitamos.

Los “papis” de Jana.

Querida Dinorah,
Todos los que hemos pasado por esto, sentimos el mismo dolor desgarrador. No importa la edad que tuvieran, ni la forma de marcharse, ni la idiosincrasia que tengamos, el dolor es el mismo.
Te sorprendería saber, que el camino que tu estás recorriendo ahora, nosotros ya lo hemos caminado, y que el proceso es parecido para todos. Dolor, dudas, rabia, odio, vacio, ansiedad, no creer lo que ha pasado, confiar que sea una mala pesadilla…
Nos une a todos lo mismo, y solo te sientes agusto con gente que ha pasado por lo mismo, que al final son los unicos que te pueden comprender.
Es un proceso lento, y cuando los demas piensen que tu lo tienes que haber superado, todavía sigues reconcomiendote de dolor.
Te deseo un buen duelo, con lagrimas que ayudan a desahogar, pero con fuerza por lo que “algún dia” llegaremos a comprender.
Un abrazo

Querida Maria Jesús,
Mi hijo Guillermo se fué con 18 años, en un accidente ridiculo, y te aseguro que cada vez estoy mas segura que todo esto tiene una explicación. Algo que ahora no entendemos, pero que algún dia sabremos de que va.
Estoy segura que se fueron, por que se tenían que ir, no importa la rara enfermedad o el accidente desafortunado.
Animate y vente a ALAIA, no sabes lo que reconforta estar con gente que siente como tu, y que el camino es el mismo para todos.
No hay tiempo suficiente para superar esto, es algo para toda la vida, y cuando los demas piensen que ya ha pasado tiempo suficiente para sentirte mejor, todavía andarás dando tumbos. Nosotros estamos igual y por eso ayuda pertenecer a esta maravillosa familia, que son los únicos que te escuchan y comprenden por que las vivencias son comunes.
Un abrazo fuerte, te esperamos.

Sabes son 7 meses de la partida de mi hijo que apenas tenia 8 añitos y como comprenderas me siento excesivamente vacia y triste, necesitada de su presencia y de su inmenso amor, si bien es cierto el dolor todavia no me permite entender muchas de las cosas que han ocurrido lo unico que se es que el esta bien, que no necesito de su presencia física para seguirlo amando como siemprelo hice, pero este inmenso dolor no lo puedo superar con nada en absoluto.

SABEN TENGO UNOS TIOS EN DALLAS.TX
Y VA A SER UN AÑO QUE PERDIERON A SU HIJA DE 22 AÑOS Y NOS DUELE TANTO PERO MI TIA NO PUEDE VIVIR CON ESTE DOLOR Y NO SABEMOS COMO HABLARLE Y QUE ENTIENDA QUE TIENE QUE SER FUERTE Y VIVIR CON ESTE DOLOR.

me parece que he sido yo misma quien ha escrito esta cartahace 5 meses mi hijo Manuel se fue tambien en forma absurda e imprevista y solo DIOS me ha ayudado a ir superando dia a dia esta pena cada dia encuentro gente que como yo comparte la pena del adios de un hijo.esta carta y los escritos de ALAIA me hacen mucho bien.



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